Apr 07 2012
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Zombie Brains

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have no doubt been exposed to the zombie mania that has infiltrated popular culture as of late.  I survived the vampire craze relatively unscathed, (I tried to like Twilight, I swear, but in my experience the only vampire I have ever taken a liking to is  named Angel). However, I can’t say I have been as successful at ignoring its zombie counterpart. There’s just something about zombies that is just so dang cheesy and anyone that knows me is well aware of my affinity for all things cheese.  Whether it’s a B-movie or AMC’s Walking Dead, I dig zombie productions.

So when Q and I recently made cabbage rolls, it wasn’t a surprise that the end result made me think of the brains of the undead. We started with a collection of colorful veggies: bell peppers, bok choy, & onions.

To this we added pine nuts and a bit of pesto and mozzarella. We stuffed all of this into blanched cabbage leaves and baked them in foil.

These little fellas freeze nicely and each day at lunch I was able to zap them in the microwave at work and enjoy a hot, delicious zombie brain.

Here’s what they looked like with the added sci-fi photo editing effects:

Now, if that doesn’t change your mind about eating the innards of an undead walker, well, I don’t know what would.

 

Mar 24 2012
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How To Eat Chicago Style Pizza And Still Lose Weight

Spoiler Alert: It involves acquainting oneself  with many of the rest stops en route from St. Louis to Chicago.

I work with kids.

Each day I spend hours on end in close quarters with four and five-year olds who have not yet mastered the art of covering their mouths when sneezing and consider holding their hand under running water while making goofy faces in the mirror sufficient means of cleaning off germs. Daily, I have to deal with some child who forgets that our plastic play food is not meant to actually be licked and although it looks delicious and yes, its main ingredient is flour, play dough is not to be put in one’s mouth.

So it’s no surprise that despite my efforts to teach healthy hand washing practices and an endless routine of spraying down our class’s toys with a bleach solution, illnesses spread around my room like wildfires. Most recently, a nasty stomach bug has made its way into my classroom. Class, can you spell YUCK?

Now, this is my sixth year working in schools. Over those years I’ve developed somewhat of a strong defense against colds and the like. So much so, in fact, that I can usually make it through the school year with a sniffle here or a minor sore throat there but nothing major. This stomach bug, however, pushed its way past my defenses. I can only imagine that he’s part Irish and heard I was heading to Chicago for St. Patty’s Day because he packed his bags and came along for the ride.

Too much information? Well I tell you this only because, after five hours in the car and what I estimate was another hour in several of Illinois’s finest rest stops, I made it to Chicago drained, tired, and wondering how I was going to accomplish my goal of eating the city’s famous deep dish pizza when I couldn’t bear the thought of putting a single thing in my stomach. After a quick rest in the hotel, however, we ventured out to try Chicago style pizza at Giordano’s.

When researching the best pizza in the windy city, I found recommendations for several restaurants. This one, however, stood out because my Nana’s maiden name is Giordano and that is reason enough to choose it.

I had no preconceived notions about stuffed pizza besides knowing, for sure, that it would be better than the slop St. Louisans call pizza. (My apologies to anyone who enjoys it but provel should be outlawed!)

We ordered a veggie pizza with pepperoni on the side for my carnivorous love. And then we waited.

And waited.

And drooled at our neighbor’s pizza.

And waited some more.

Apparently, it takes a freaking long time to bake such a monstrous creation.

As soon as it arrived, I knew I was going to be a fan. It was a melty mozzarella cheese lover’s heaven.

Back in New York I can down two slices without a problem. However, midway through my first piece I was pretty well stuffed. Naturally, I pushed through and polished off  a full slice because, well, when in Rome Chicago, right?

While I wasn’t crazy about the crust, (to me it tasted like a Ritz cracker), I really did like it.

Here I am before devouring my dinner. If ever there was a time to “say cheese”!

The next day I was still feeling rather ill and couldn’t eat a thing. We walked around the city for hours and I finally collapsed in bed at 5 pm with what was either heat exhaustion or a fever.

The next day wasn’t much better. I still couldn’t manage to eat more than a small bowl of cereal.

On Monday morning, I stepped on the scale and found myself nearly five pounds lighter than before my trip.

So kids, if you’re looking to lose weight on vacation, I recommend you catch yourself a stomach virus. If you need help, give me a call, I might know a few kids who would be more than happy to share theirs.

 

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Mar 08 2012
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Chew On This? No, thanks.

Upon hearing I am a vegetarian, many people ask about my motives.”Are you an animal rights fanatic?” “Are you worried about the impact of the meat industries on the environment?” “Is it for health reasons?”

I then proceed to tell them some abridged variation of my actual reason for turning a cold shoulder to meat.You see, it’s the texture. I simply don’t like the way beef, chicken, pig or any other animal that might be cooked up and served feels in my mouth. After years of carnivorous eating habits, there came a time that I could no longer tolerate chewing meat. 

After the dumbfounded look fades from their faces, inevitably 90% of them will assert, “So you must love vegetables!”

Well, no. I don’t like to chew those either.

In fact, as a picky eater, a food’s texture is often times the main reason I won’t let it pass the threshold of my lips ( or if it’s already in my mouth, the main reason it will recross the threshold in the opposite direction). Too crunchy, too wet, too mushy, too stringy and too lumpy are all characteristics that make me gag and force me to inconspicuously spit a food into a napkin or on certain occasions conspicuously spit it into the garbage/sink.

Foods that fall into this category include but are not limited to:

Cottage Cheese

Onions

Shrimp

All meats

Fake meat

Most raw veggies

Many cooked veggies

Sushi

Eggs

But something funny has happened since I started making a conscious effort to eat healthy, clean foods. I’ve taken a liking to vegetables. Vegetables! Glorious,delicious, nutrient-rich vegetables. Who knew?! 

One such veggie that I have ignored on every crudite platter and salad that has crossed my path are bell peppers. Until recently, the idea of crunching into a raw pepper made me shiver. But thanks to a baby-steps method inspired by the great Dr. Leo Marvin, I have become quite a fan over the past two months.

Tonight on my drive home, I actually found myself looking forward to eating the yellow bell pepper I had in my crisper.

So, for dinner I made a plate of hummus (store bought), olives, feta, and crunchy, delicious raw pepper.

Image

And I can tell you, not one bite of this ended up in a napkin, the garbage or the sink.

Mar 06 2012
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Sandwich Bag Hummus

It comes as no shock to anyone that I am an amateur when it comes to the culinary arts. Going to school two miles down the road from the Culinary Institute of America and occasionally seeing a commercial for Le Cordon Bleu College does not a gourmet chef make. So it makes sense that I am a stranger to many of the tools used in making delicious fancy-shmancy meals. In fact, until recently, I believed a mandoline was a stringed instrument and that the scissors in the knife block were for arts and crafts not shearing poultry (ick!).

I came across this great infographic that illustrates the many, many culinary tools that exist. Click on the picture for a link to the site and a better look at the details. Instead of listing all of the below objects that I have NEVER used, I will let you try to guess which of them fall in this category. HINT: The answers includes about 98% of the featured tools.

But thanks to pinterest and the wide array of recipe resources available on the net, (do people still say “net”? They should.) I have been  trying to widen my knowledge of the subject. Most recently, I’ve been stumbling upon a lot of recipes that call for a food processor. I have yet to make the plunge into the world of food-processor ownership but as of late I have been teetering on the edge of jumping.

One recipe of which I’ve seen many variations on the net (I’m bringing it back!) is hummus. It seems easy enough, right?Toss chickpeas, tahini something or other, garlic, lemon, etc. into a food processor and voila!

This evening, after taking a conditioning class that had me thinking I’d stepped back in time into the 1980s (think calisthenics, grapevines and a lot of clapping) I had worked myself up quite the appetite. And tonight, I wanted hummus. I knew I didn’t have any in the fridge because I had stopped buying it a few months ago after burning myself out following a month-long hummus binge. But I knew I did posess the following ingredients:

Chickpeas

Lemon juice

Leftover roasted eggplant

Pine nuts

So, I decided to throw it all in my food processor and whip me up a batch of garbanzo goodness. What’s that you say? I don’t have a food processor. Au contraire, mon amis, (that’s french chef for: “think again, buster”). I did what I do best, not having the tools necessary to accomplish a task…I improvised. I had seen the following hummus preparation trick just once before but I thought I’d give it a shot.

I put my ingredients into a plastic sandwich bag and I got a-mushing. I kneaded the heck out of those beans and eggplant, smooshing (I believe that is a culinary term possibly coined by Swedish Chef but don’t quote me on that) and pinching, knuckling, and squeezing the combination into submission.

Maybe it was not the most efficient technique but it did have the cathartic effect of palming a stress ball or popping bubble wrap so score 1 for me.

I cut up some red peppers, (with a steak knife, mind you) and dipped away.

The outcome was such that it made me question my need for an actual food processor. Then I thought about trying the same method with a butternut squash soup recipe and I re-sided with my pro-processor stance.

For now, though, until I get better acquainted with the finer side of food preparation, I think I’ll keep on keepin’ on with my improvisational methods and start small with something  like say, a melon baller, slotted spatula or if I’m feeling particularly adventurous, an egg timer!

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Mar 03 2012
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My Hangry Fix

I consider myself a kind person, patient person. I can give credit to my upbringing for the former characteristic and my years of working with children for the latter. However, if you ever find me in an off mood, snapping at anyone who comes close to me and lacking any resemblance of patience, chances are there’s only one of two things to blame:

Fatigue

or

Hunger

And, God protect you if you stumble across me afflicted with both of these two at the same time.

This evening, after not paying close enough attention to my food intake, or lack thereof, I found myself HANGRY. What is “hangry”, you ask? Let this awesome pillow, (sold on etsy for anyone looking to shower me in gifts, wink wink) explain.

When hangry, the amount of time I am willing to spend on preparation of a meal  is a maximum of 4.5 minutes. Hangriness, (as long as we’re making up words here, right?) can be dangerous because it’s easy to cave in and eat something awfully unhealthy in an attempt to quell the hanger (let’s see how many we can make) as fast as possible. Some favorite quick fixes of mine in the past, prior to going off carbs and sugar are as follows:

Potato chip sandwiches (never heard of ‘em? the recipe is simple: layer bread, cheese, mustard and chips and enjoy!)

Frozen appetizers that can be microwaved (jalapeno poppers, anyone?)

Fast food

Candy bar(s)

Healthy, right? So you can imagine how concerned I was when I felt myself starting to get hangry this evening. Luckily, my fridge/freezer was there to help me out. I quickly, (remember I was only working with 4.5 minutes here) pulled out the following ingredients:

The peas and spinach were frozen but luckily only take a minute or two to warm up. The Athenos company was kind enough to crumble my feta for me, (4.5 minutes, people. No time for crumbling!) and all it took to add the pine nuts was trying to figure out how to open the plastic container, (sadly, this took at least 50 seconds).

The final product:

And so, in under five minutes I was able to create a healthy, candy bar free meal that successfully pulled my hangrocity from a level  6 to level 0 within a few bites. Phew!

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Mar 01 2012
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Aw, Nuts!

You name a nut, I like it.

Pistachios, walnuts, almonds, peanuts, macadamia, chestnut, hazelnut, the list goes on and on!

Why, you ask?

Here are my top five reason I love them:

5. They’re yummy.  Salted, chopped, sliced or whole, they taste gooooood in my belly.

4. They satisfy my need for crunch. Cutting out carbs often means cutting out that crunch factor that makes me feel like I’m eating a satisfying meal. Throw some nuts into a recipe and my mandible will be the first to tell you it’s a crunch-worthy meal.

3. They’re packed with good-for-you nutrients: Omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, vitamins, protein.

2. They take the edge off…of hunger that is. I like to keep almonds or pistachios in my car for the drive home at the end of a busy day. A handful of nuts keeps me from being ravenous and raiding the fridge the moment I get home from work.

1. It may be my inner 10 year old trying to break free but I just love to say it, “NUTS!”

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Feb 26 2012
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How Creme Fraiche Ruined My Day

Nobody ever said that going refined sugar and refined carbohydrates free was going to be easy.

Other phrases no one has ever uttered are, “Elizabeth, you’re a great inventor of recipes” or “Hey, creme fraiche is gonna make those split peas taste better”.

I wish I’d gotten the memo on the latter two.

So, it all started with me reading an article someone had written about using unsweetened (READ: sugar free) chocolate to create chocolate covered something or other. The recipe sounded delicious but it used honey to sweeten the chocolate and in my book honey is a little too close to refined sugar for my own liking. So, I decided to create my own chocolate-dipped something or other on my own, (mistake #1). I have used unsweetened chocolate on baked pears and it has turned out yummy but in retrospect, it has occurred to me that the sugar of the pear made the chocolate taste less like dirt than it normally would.

And so, this morning I took out my no-sugar-added peanut butter and decided I would cover it in melted unsweetened chocolate. In my head, projecting ahead to the final product, I feared that the peanut butter might be a bit too dry so I began to brainstorm ideas to make it more moist. I opened the fridge and there staring at me, was a container of creme fraiche. Now, I confess…I have NO idea what people actually do with creme fraiche. I bought it because it sounded like something I might like and only used it once, as a dipping accompaniment to my aforementioned baked pear. I spooned out a small amount and added it to my chunky peanut butter (mistake #2). I rolled that mixture into little balls, smothered them in unsweetened chocolate, sprinkled on a bit of sliced almond, (hey, it looked pretty) and let them cool and harden in the freezer.

The final product?

They looked pretty, don’t they?

Here’s a close up of the inside,

And then I took a bite, (mistake #3).

They tasted like, well, dirt mixed with creme fraiche, sprinkled with almond slices.

So, let’s chalk this one up to an aesthetically pleasing and painfully disappointing FAIL.

And then came dinner.

I’ve had a bag of split peas in my pantry for some time now. Tonight they spoke to me, whispering, “Hey, don’t bother with a recipe or an attempt to turn us into soup, just create your own recipe.”

Well, I’m not one to turn a cold shoulder to talking food and so I followed their orders (mistake #4).

I simmered the split peas for what seemed like 4 hours, (ok, it was only like 40 minutes, but time goes in slow-motion when you’re hungry, no?) Once they were cooked, I gave ‘em a taste and found them a bit, err…dry.

So what do you think I decided to add to them to make them more moist?

Are you shaking your head yet because you know what’s coming? You should be.

You guessed it!

Creme Freaking Fraiche. (What # mistake am I on now? I’ve lost count)

Why? I have no clue. Honestly, I just tried to think of reasons why and I’m at a complete lost.

And here was the final product,

Yea, it made me want to projectile vomit too.

So, in case you’re keeping track, that totals

2 fails

0 dinner

0 dessert

and most importantly

1 GIANT lesson learned: Say au revoir to le creme fraiche!

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Feb 26 2012
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Sugar Infographic

In my quest to cut out sugar, I’ve found that I have to be very vigilant of ingredient lists. There is sugar in so many of the foods we do not necessarily consider “sweets”, (tomato sauce, dressings, etc).

I came across this infographic about sugar at http://blog.shareitfitness.com/2011/09/06/not-so-sweet-sugar-facts/

It’s a great eye-opener.

 

Feb 25 2012
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Cheesy Bean Dip with Red Pepper Dippers

Sometimes, being a finicky eater means eating things that don’t necessarily appeal to the average person’s sense of what is delicious. A personal favorite of mine, before going low carb, was pickle and mustard sandwiches on a hotdog bun. You can imagine the strange, judgemental, looks I’ve received from people upon seeing me eating one of these masterpieces.

Another favorite choice of mine is eating refried beans as a meal. I have been known, on more that a few occasions, to open up a can of vegetarian refried beans, pop it in the ol’ microwave, add a dot of hot sauce or dollop of sour cream and call it dinner. Some people find this unappealing and I admit, it is not exactly pleasing to the eye. However, it pleases my taste buds and fills up my belly and so I shall not apologize.

Tonight, I found myself craving some layered bean dip. At it’s best, layered bean dip includes stratum of seasoned refried beans, salsa, olives, lettuce, cheese and sour cream accompanied by tortilla chips. Tonight, however, my kitchen was not stocked with all of the necessary ingredients to make some top-notch dip. But, my finicky belly wants what it wants and so, I made due with what I had and created this:

Since I’m off carbs, I used some red pepper bits I had in the fridge to substitute as crunchy dippers. The bean dip is refried beans seasoned with some creole spices, (odd combo, perhaps but delicious), cheese and salsa. And while, I admit it might look much less presentable than something you might find at Bobby Vans or, maybe even Chipotle Mexican Grille, I can attest to the fact that it was pleasing to my picky palette and very, very satisfying.

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Feb 24 2012
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Tonight’s Creation

More often than not, my decision about what is for dinner is a matter of me staring into the pantry, fridge, or freezer until something jumps out and yells, “EAT ME!”  Tonight, there was a cast of characters calling out to me that included the following:

Chickpeas

Frozen peas

Frozen spinach

Feta Cheese

I started by zapping the first three in the microwave. On many occasions, plain ol’ veggies and feta is enough for me, but tonight I had a  different idea. “What if,” I asked myself, “I added some part-skim ricotta into this mix and threw that sucker in the oven for a bit?”

And here is the answer to that question:

 

I mixed in just a sprinkle of parmesan cheese and topped the bake with feta after I plated it, as opposed to before I baked it, because I love the contrast of the warm mixture with the bite of cold feta. What I loved most about this little creation is that is really filled me up. It did not take much of this surprisingly hearty meal to satisfy my seemingly endless pit of a stomach.

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